Green-lighting VERSUS Gas-lighting.
An externalised view on gas-lighting:
“That person did this so I wanted to have a conversation about it because it felt like they were lying about it."
I felt like my own awareness was being challenged when I bought it up, and that the result was that I was being told I was wrong, I was making it up.
And then, when they disappear, when they will not converse, nor look at the situation from an open discussion from both sides, there can be a sense of worry from the person left standing.
Worry, that there was a lack of support for the other person, that they didn't feel they could be upfront, be honest.
Or, perhaps there is a self debasing understanding that it's reasonable to feel it's wrong to expect an upfront and honest disclosure.
It can leave those of us who are more self conscious, more self blaming, in a holding pattern, especially if there has been prior trauma and, for want of a better word… those of us who are more self conscious, go into feeling stuck, sometimes trying to rescue, and giving far too much of our time where it might not be entirely deserved.
Add on to that, a layer of confusion, a Neptunean mist, involving the other party involved who is not about to come clean.
For those of us actively seeking clarity and consciousness with our empathetic nature, we can be searching for the light of truth to be shone on any situation. The more we do our duty of care to ourselves and 'know' who we are, the more our level of understanding, honesty and deep connection to our awareness of what is true for us, goes.
And, the more we are able to see of dishonesty in others.
Not our monkey, not our circus if it doesn't involve us of course.
However, we, as empaths, are totally up for a deep dive into honesty about any situations, especially intense ones of life altering alchemy.
And it will mean something much more deeply to us, if it is with a partner, or, even a close work colleague.
Our knowledge as intuitive and aware beings, and our abilities to see the multi layers of what needs shifting, can and sometimes does, crush us when we meet a stone-wall and an entangled web in the other.
When another will not, does not, and won’t get into the deeper conversation of change and deep seated honesty, fess up to the things they kept hidden or the things they are not clear about, the surprised person who has caught out the lie, can find themselves in a kind of dead-space.
A place where questioning self, trying to sort it out, even self-blame, can induce a period of what I call, the white-noise phase.
This has been the standard ‘story’ of, and with, the term gas-lighting.
The reaction to this behaviour will be decided according to the level of trauma attached of course.
Little white lies… perhaps not such a terrible thing.
Big lies that effect relationship, such as sleeping with others without being upfront about it, unprotected sex without being upfront about other partners, all go without saying, that a more deeply ingrained reaction/stress/fight/flight state could trigger a range of different behaviours in the person who is the one being lied to.
Distractor implants such as blame, shame, regret, guilt are challenged, Mobius strips and trifold sequencing system loops attached to the ‘trigger’ kick in and whatever the learned behaviours to deal with broken trust in ‘other’ from the past, will and do rear up for acknowledgment, understanding, and a new level of self support and healing.
This can result in feelings of abandonment and/or trigger earlier abandonment.
Fast forward to Green lighting.
Coming from the movie world where a project gets the green light to go ahead, or, alternatively, where a stop sign turns green.
So too can we green-light ourselves.
We can work to accept all of us. the parts that were deceived, the parts that went into loss, the parts that didn't support ourself, the parts that wanted it to work out, the parts that didn't see the writing on the wall, the parts that let down to vulnerability, the parts that hurt after the occasion, and the parts that were left standing alone after the event.
The good, the bad, the ugly, of us.
Green lighting ourselves, to actively seek out ways for our own self-healing comes via the lens of our own self-honesty. This permission to go ahead with our transformational journey, is part of the acceptance of self.
It’s our own alchemy into brilliant gold.
It’s our own way of having our own back, of taking stock and resetting to come from this new place, from the place of now.
In this ten seconds.
This current state of who we are, be, and wish to ask for in our life.
We can claim whether loudly or to self, that there are events we do not wish to participate in and we can choose again. Choose with more knowledge.
Choose, choose all over again.
(See below a mind map of the process I looked at. (work in progress)